Just Be and Let Others Be

– exploring ways to be present and non-judgmental in every circumstance and situation.

Happy balls

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles, published on 04 November 2013, Stock Image – image ID: 100215277, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/

When you remove the worry of the future and stop fretting and focusing on the past, you allow yourself and/or the person in your presence to grow up to a higher level of being, just by focusing on the present. Remember, our power lies in the Now. It is what we do and feel in the present that creates the future. Why hold on to past pains and hurts, just to carry it into the future?

When you remain focused on one’s less desirable qualities and the past hurts they’ve afflicted, you are placing your energy to that which you don’t want and living in the past.

Fundamentally, there is a loss of faith when one engages in not letting others be where they are in their journey. Or, not accepting where you are in your own journey.

Allow faith into your heart and trust that all things work out for the Greater Good. That state of being will wash over you and all who come into contact with you.

From a Law of Attraction standpoint, what you focus on is what you receive. If you are focusing on the negative in a person, then more of that will manifest on the physical plane. If you celebrate even the slightest of a positive attribute, more of that positivity will unfold into your experience.

People can change, moment to moment, but it will not be because you’re nagging, begging or fighting them into transition. People change when they are ready to change. That change can happen overnight, or it can take a lifetime or two.

You can always set the space and distance between you and that person, even if you’re married (or divorced and broken up). The space and distance I am referring to is not physical, but instead spiritual and emotional. No longer will you be the instigator of fights over change because you will accept them for who they are and where they are in their journey right now. Or, you will get to a point in your own journey where it’s time to grow on and upward.

If you find you can’t be around a person because their present state is not in alignment with where you want them to be, remember, they have a journey to walk, too. Your focus must ALWAYS be on where YOU want to be. All you can do is hold on to your peace and not lower your vibrational energy to the less desirable, but to maintain the knowing that you and all around you is rising up.

We hear the saying, “live and let live,” but are we doing this with our spouses, children, parents, exes, friends and co-workers? Or, are we sticking our judgmental noses in everyone’s business or up in the air in judgment? Let judgment go – it serves no one and it most certainly will not elevate. It only keeps the energy surrounding that relationship stagnant.

To be in the present means to focus on the very moment that is before you – not the past, not the future.

Infuse love in any and every situation. When you’re having a difficult time with a person or situation, ask yourself, “how can I bring love into this situation?” Love is the cooling salve that heals us all. Self love and Universal love has to be the center of your heart and your experience.

~Your Curator of all things Inspirational, Kimberly Jo Cooley

Carving out time for Love

Image courtesy of CNaene, published on 23 December 2013  Stock Photo - image ID: 100224326, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of CNaene, published on 23 December 2013
Stock Photo – image ID: 100224326, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

I was on writer’s hiatus this weekend, for a lover’s rendezvous with my husband. We drove forty minutes outside of town, to the California foothills, checked into a hotel, and hung out in the onsite restaurant. We ate, joked, laughed, flirted, and channeled our youth. We had every intention of exploring Gold Country, but never left the hotel – there was no need. We had each other and that was more than enough. We elected to skip the fancy dinner for a late night (1 AM!) run to In and Out Burger.

We discussed what we wanted from each other. He wanted me to be more “housewife” without the “house.” I later understood he wanted me to show more praise and appreciation for what he does for the family. I wanted more affection and more time to write. He offered to take the kids so I can write uninterrupted and he ran his fingers through my wild, natural hair (versus the very straight strands I normally wear). I surprised us both by embracing the untamed mane, standing a little taller.

I had a school assignment due for my California Literature college course where I had to post thoughts on a brief history of the Golden State. I wrote and he edited and picked the classmates I’d write a response to. We remembered we still carry super liberal ideals and we are still in love with each other. I’m sure we knew this before the trip, but our level of appreciation for each other and the union we’ve created deepened.

We had a moment to remember why and how we fell in love. We’ve known each other for twenty-two years, been together for seven, and married for almost two. Sometimes, it’s easy to get caught up in the daily grind of life, putting our love affair on the back burner.

Our families rallied around us by being understanding of missing my niece’s birthday party, taking care of the kids and giving us a worry-free night away. I suppose love and all the messiness that comes with it, is a worthy life investment.

Now, we’re rejuvenated, deeper in love, and our ties are more connected than before we left for the trip.

Take Aways:

  • Make time for love
  • Cherish the small and large moments of life by celebrating with a loved one
  • Partnership in love can be achieved and sustained by carving out time and energy to support it

~Your Curator of all things Love, Kimberly Jo Cooley

Ladies, Buy Your Own Flowers

Flower courtesy of my husband 🙂

I am the source and receiver of all that I want in this life…

I was a flower thief as a toddler. There wasn’t a flower that was safe. Amusement parks with signs saying “Don’t Touch The Flowers” meant nothing to me. I’d throw tantrums if I was denied the chance to pluck a bloom. As a child, I was chased out of yards by barking dogs, all in my quest to get a rose or a tulip. Despite all of my flower passion, the only men who gave me flowers were male co-workers who pitched in for obligatory birthday bouquets or my father, who once moon lighted as a florist.

I know some women who wait and wait for men to give them flowers, gifts or love. What are you waiting for? All the Universe will do is give you more of what you’re doing and thinking – wait, wait, and more waiting. Instead of waiting, get your own flowers and love yourself. Be the source and the receiver of all that you want in this life.

I set the intention as a little girl flowers were going to come into my life and guess what? They did and abundantly! Girlfriends, family members and yours truly got me flowers. I didn’t wait for a man to provide what I could manifest in my own life. Sure, it’s nice to now get flowers from my lover, but it was even more rewarding and satisfying to pick out my own and proudly display them at work. When people asked, “who bought you the pretty flowers?” I’d say with robust pride, “me!”

-Your Curator of all things abundant and beautiful, Kimberly Jo Cooley

A Blessing for You and Me

Image courtesy of SOMMAI, published on 28 December 2012, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of SOMMAI, published on 28 December 2012, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

I am a blessing to all who come into contact with me and in turn, everyone who come’s into contact with me is a pure blessing in my life.

When you’re in traffic jams or standing in line, look at the people around you. Are they troubled? Happy? Crying? Laughing? Singing? Notice them and then say a quick prayer to bless them, such as, “May God bless that person, my sister/brother with peace and abundance today.” This is particularly helpful if a rogue driver cuts you off and your instinct is to road rage and curse them out. Instead, say a quiet prayer for them.

You truly are a blessing and probably touch many peoples’ lives, which is why it comes back to you in the form of a good, happy life. Find small ways to be a blessing in just one person’s life, and you will soon find there are many small acts of love you can show a stranger, a co-worker, a friend, a family member. Next thing you know, you’ve touched not just one person’s life, but several in one day!  

If each of us exercised this power of blessing one another, sharing just a small piece of ourselves freely, the world will become a generous, more loving place. Let the blessings begin with you. The Universe will bless you, because that is the Way.  When we stop sharing and giving, we stunt the Universe’s flow in returning those blessings to us. The circle of love begins and ends with you.

Your Curator of All things Inspirational, Kimberly Jo Cooley

Thank you Mr. Mandela, for Teaching the Cycle of Forgiveness

Image courtesy of "Lonely Tree" by Evgeni Dinev, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

Image courtesy of “Lonely Tree” by Evgeni Dinev, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net

“As I walked out the door toward my freedom I knew that if I did not leave all the anger, hatred and bitterness behind, that I would still be in prison.”

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”

-Nelson Mandela

Nelson Mandela passed away today, at the age of 95. Nelson Mandela’s life – long, fruitful, inspirational, fraught with pain and struggle, triumph and victory – is something we all should aspire to be. I thank him for all the teaching moments his life brought to my life and his spirit and legacy lives on forever.

Last week, I mentioned I would start having discussions with readers and today marks the first blog in this format. I’m reaching out to you, my readers, for discussions topics or questions to write in this blog and they can be from anonymous source. Email me at KimberlyJoCooley@aol.com.

Q. Can you share your thoughts about forgiveness? I’ve always heard how people chose to forgive someone who hurt them deeply in one way or another in order to help them move on. What does that mean and how do you accomplish it?

Letting go. Time truly heals many wounds but in the meantime, how can one work on letting go of a situation? Is it best to force yourself to not think about it, i.e. whenever the thought crosses your mind, change the subject so to speak? Or do you try to keep busy and occupy yourself so as to distract you?

How does one remain hopeful of love and marriage? Is there really truly somebody for everybody?

A. Forgiveness. Such a heavy proposition, isn’t it? Why should we have to forgive those who trespass us?

It’s just as much about you as it is the person whose being forgiven, if not more about you. Not forgiving holds us back, dims and dulls our life’s experiences, and drags us down.

Nelson Mandela’s first quote above is not talking about the brick and mortar prison he sat in for 27 years for anti-Apartheid activities. He’s talking about the prison of our minds – the bondage of holding in resentment. His quote can help us better understand the notion of forgiveness in relationships and how it is necessary for moving on to bigger and better love. If we cannot let go of the pain, bitterness, anger, and resentment, then we will never fully move into the present of the here and now. The here and now is freedom to love.

Resentment comes from a misunderstanding many of us have about a situation or person. We believe they have wronged us and we come to hate a person. Remember that you called this person into your life, or at the very least allowed that person to enter your sphere. Think about the reasons why they were in your life. Acknowledge and appreciate their good qualities you loved about them. And, thank God for showing you the qualities in them that you could very much live without. It is especially the parts of a person that hurt you that has the most to offer you – the relationship is gone and over, but you now learned a little more about yourself in terms of what you want and don’t want in a relationship.

Nelson Mandela had several loves in his life, including three wives. Each of those wives, he loved deeply and considered them partners and soul mates. Two of the three marriages ended in divorce. Winnie Mandela allegedly cheated on Mr. Mandela and was emotionally neglectful – yet, he found love again at the age of 77, and died a happily married man at the age of 95. I read that in divorce court, Nelson Mandela smiled at his soon to be former wife, Winnie, but she turned away. He was sorrowful and humbled during the divorce proceedings and he spoke of his love and appreciation for his wife. He knew there was no hope for their relationship, but he chose not to be mired in pain and resentment towards his ex-wife.

Mr. Mandela’s story tells us that soul mates can come in many different forms and times in our lives. There are some loves in your life greater than others because of the chemistry or attachment you have to a person. As many times as you believe your soul mate is out there, is as many times your soul mate is forming and finding their way to you. Many people have great loves in their lives, not just one.

Allow yourself a little time to mourn the demise of a relationship, but write a reminder somewhere you can refer to that says when you’re ready and open, love is available to you. Dwelling in sadness only delays the recovery and the rediscovery of yourself in this life and of future loves to come. Don’t let unforgiveness of the person you once was in a relationship with slow down your momentum to a loving relationship with yourself and someone new.

If you’ve ever tried to not think about something, then you likely know that it is almost impossible not to think about that very thing you’re trying to avoid thinking about. Deal with the feelings early and head on. Wallow, watch bad romantic comedies, cry, talk it out with friends and write in a journal. When you spend a little time mourning, remember there is a season for sadness and there is a season for moving. Take a trip, pick up a new hobby, or set up a regular volunteer activity to help move you into your new season of life and love. Don’t ignore your feelings, but don’t let them rule you or your life. Give yourself a break and have fun! Dating and making new friends is an adventure – the hunt for the love(s) of your life should be a good time, with a little contrast here and there. Isn’t that why we signed up for this thing called love and life anyway?

Finally, BE forgiveness. One of the qualities we want in our mates is the ability to forgive and humility. If those are qualities you want in others, make sure it’s something you have inside yourself as well. As a matter of fact, any trait you’d like to see in your partner, bring that energy into your own being right here, right now. BE the forgiveness. Appreciate – even if all you can think of is the negative in a person or situation. The negativity or adversity is only clarifying what it is you really want in your life, so have compassion for yourself and that person. Bless yourself and the other person by praying for them, too, to find love and peace in this life.

In relationships, there will be little transgressions, arguments, and disagreements. A person who can quickly regroup and forgive is one that will succeed in life and love.

The cycle of forgiveness is necessary to keep mankind in love and in check. The moment you truly forgive, is the moment you are free from the prison of resentment. Forgiveness sets us all free, both the forgiven and the forgiving. The moment each of us wholeheartedly takes part in this beautiful cycle, the moment love blooms and dwells freely inside all of us.

Many Blessings to you,

~ Everyday Spiritual Warrior, Kimberly Jo