Saturday, April 26, 2014, Value: Keeping It Simple
I cried today. A blubbering, slobbering, and insides raw cry. My husband’s college friend died of a heroin overdose – we thought he was only into pills and had no idea how depressed he really was. April 26th was my husband’s birthday and he was flying out for a funeral. My sixteen year old wants to move four hundred miles away with his vagabond father (can you tell he’s my ex?) and I was dealing with some old feelings in my new self.
I cried because my New Me was dealing with some Old Me stuff. I wanted to veg out to reality TV or go on a shopping spree.
On the way home from dropping off my husband at the airport for his friend’s funeral, I went north on Interstate 5, when I should have gone south. I had to travel miles before I could exit the freeway to turn around. I got lost, and wound up on my way to Redding, when all I wanted was to go home to Sacramento. The New Me didn’t panic, but the Old Me wanted to hurry up and get back on the right track. It felt like forever before I got to an exit to turn around. Much like my careless spending and my excessive television watching – lost, but now I am found, and now I am turning around.
The family (myself included, kicking and screaming) made a decision to cancel the cable subscription. We’d been toying with the idea for a while, as we wanted to have more time for family and my writing. Now, it was a matter of necessity. I am a self-proclaimed television addict. My particular drug of choice is reality shows and investigative murder mysteries. Now, the new life, with the pain of change – was in full effect.
I wrote a list of bills and realized that cutting cable made sense. Some other benefits to eliminating cable was extra time for meditating, reflection, family bonding, getting physically fit, writing and homemaking. Eliminating cable is supporting all of my values. So, when I look at it like that, it’s not so bad after all. I also can pay off my other bills faster by eliminating the huge, monthly three digit cable bill.
I looked at why I kept going through the cycles of paying things completely off and then racking up debt. I also looked at why the Old and New Me liked to watch so much television. I realized these vices were my Old Me’s security blankets. When things went awry in my life, I resorted to shopping and television. There was a void that these two old friends temporarily filled. Now, I found the old vices ill-fitting and not mine to have anymore.
I know from all my spiritual studies that in order to lay down new tracks in life, I have to build over the old ones. I have to be brave and face what I’ve created. Much of what has manifested today is from my yesteryear’s lack mentality and lack of understanding the spiritual being that I am. Now, the New Me knows how to handle the Old Me. This time with compassion, forgiveness and a new way of being.
I haven’t called the cable company – yet. When I do, my focus will be on all that I will gain from letting go of the lessor as I make room for the greater.
~Your Curator of all things Inspirational, Kimberly Jo Cooley